Many people are in relationships and only a small fraction of those people are ready for one…
There are obvious ways someone can not be ready for a relationship, you know the ones everyone knows about, but you can read about those anywhere else. What about the unspoken things?
The choice you make every day to love your partner is yours, and more importantly HOW you choose to love them is also your choice. I emphasize the how because many people can choose to love without realizing that making this choice goes beyond being being faithful. When you choose to love your partner you must also choose to understand them. You must take their personality, morals, flaws into consideration at all times and accept them for those things.
Understanding is just as equally as important as love, if not more. Being willing to understand your partner will change your perception on so many things. Relationships aren’t perfect, but the ones that grow together rather than apart, choose to understand and evolve with their partners needs as the years go on. This means you’re able to step back in the middle of or after an argument and effectively communicate, but it also means that sometimes the argument is avoided because you know the real root of the problem. Your ego is not more important than your partner but I promise if you let it get in the way, it will. You don’t need to be right all the time. Winning at the expense of your partners feelings will do nothing for your relationship. You don’t need to go back and forth giving each other criticisms in hopes to get what you really want. – I’ve done it! Not effective- What you should do though is say something along the lines of “I know you prefer this but I prefer that and it would really help us if we met somewhere in the middle” or ” I don’t like this but I’m willing to compromise in this way and this is how you can help me”.
Three things here:
- Understanding yourself and your own personal needs
- Understanding what your partner needs and how to communicate to them in a way that’ll calm them rather than reignite them.
- Compromise – it’s just part of the game baby, sorry, we’ve all gotta do it!
I based my example on an argument because that’s what lack of understanding leads to 9 times out of 10.
Acceptance is important because when you accept someone for who they are and love them for it, you stop critiquing the things you don’t like and start emphasizing the things you do like. This may be one of the hardest things to do. Everyone has pet peeves and traits they don’t appreciate in other people, to put it nicely. However, no one in the world is perfect and if that’s what you’re searching for then you are not ready for a relationship.
Minor example: my boyfriend eats chips incredibly annoying. I used to hate it so much I would yell at him every time and now I almost find it calming (unless he does it in front of other people then I’m embarrassed! Lol).
To wrap this up, do your best to understand your partner and love them for who they are rather than who you want them to be.